Should you date Maya?

The quick version

35, bisexual, East Bay. I study complex systems for a living and sometimes apply that same energy to figuring out why I'm still single. I'm looking for a primary partner - someone who wants to build something real. I'm open to monogamy or non-monogamy depending on what works for both of us.

What my life actually looks like

Most days I'm at my desk by 8am with a cup of coffee that's gone cold by 8:15. I work in AI safety research, which means I spend a lot of time thinking about hypotheticals and worst-case scenarios. It's not as grim as it sounds - the people are funny and the problems are fascinating.

Evenings are for cooking (elaborate weekend meals, simple weeknight ones), reading (currently: an oral history of the internet and a poetry collection by Ocean Vuong), or going on long aimless walks through my neighborhood while listening to podcasts about history or economics.

I play piano badly but enthusiastically. I have a small garden that produces an unreasonable amount of cherry tomatoes every summer. I go to a climbing gym twice a week and am mediocre at it.

What I'm like as a partner

I'm attentive. I'll remember that you mentioned wanting to try the new Thai place three weeks ago and suggest it on a random Tuesday. I like planning things but I'm not rigid about it - the plan can always change.

I communicate directly and expect the same. If something's wrong, I'll say so. I won't make you guess. I've done a lot of therapy and I think it shows in good ways (I can name my feelings) and maybe annoying ways (I might ask "what are you feeling right now?" more than you'd like).

I'm affectionate. I like proximity - cooking together, reading in the same room, falling asleep tangled up. I'm not performatively romantic but I show love through consistency and attention.

What I'm looking for

• Intellectual honesty - say what you actually think, even when it's complicated
• Curiosity about the world, not just your own corner of it
• Emotional availability - you've done some work on yourself and it shows
• A sense of humor that's dry rather than loud
• Your own life that you're excited about - I want a partner, not a project

Things that might not work

I'm not great with people who need a lot of social stimulation. I like people, but I recharge alone. A perfect weekend for me involves one social thing and a lot of quiet time. If you need to be out every night, we'll clash.

I can be intense. I go deep on things quickly and I expect the same from a relationship. If you're looking for something casual and easy, I'm probably not it.

If you're interested

Tell me what caught your attention. Bonus points if you tell me what you're reading right now or what problem you've been thinking about lately.